Longing...

The longing bug caught up with me again..

Just as I thought I am moving on real well with my studies and living habits, princess has fallen ill. I was praying hard that both babies will be healthy and well during my absence..it is after all only a stretch of 8 or 9 weeks..but the babies had been well and active long before I left and the thought of them falling ill was not on the top of my mind.

They had never taken ill without me by their side. I was most impressed when princess told me she was doing fine. It could be that she had no idea of how she had been faring physically as she could still be up and about..but the fact was she had not been eating well..

I was glad that the books I bought online had all arrived. That should keep princess happy for this period which is suppose to be her downtime. I hope she reads Miss Sunshine and Mr Happy.

I am indeed tired..and I know I will need to have a good sleep so that I can continue working on my summary of readings.

Mummy loves you darlings, stay healthy and happy:)

Double roar!

Double roar!, originally uploaded by Megan Choo.

I really hope I have not been missing out too much on what my babies have been enjoying doing..I can't wait to drop everything and be back with them..though longing is tough..but I am sure everyone at home is giving them the attention apart from putting in my share..

Wait for me babies..we shall do the "Roar Roar Family Roar" when I am back!!

Art and Innocence..together!

028, originally uploaded by Megan Choo.

Art and Innocence..too

027, originally uploaded by Megan Choo.

Art and Innocence

019, originally uploaded by Megan Choo.

Essay...

The draft is due soon..only 500 words but yet I am not concentrating very well. I have changed from my initial topic to the current. Not that I am not focused but the fact that the area I am interested in has too many sub categories. I need to stay focused on one.

I chose youth suicide.

The thought was never in my mind. Not even when I was most down. But I have been through the trauma of losing someone who once walked the same path though I am not the immediate family. I could only share their grief and loss and that was the most I could do.

When I had to do this as a discussion topic with my students, I always asked this question:" If they have the courage to meet death, why can't they use the courage to live on? What can be more terrifying than death?" A student once replied:" Death is something which no one has experienced before, until that very moment. So there's nothing to fear about. But before that moment, they were unable to find a way out of their problems and to them that is real scary."

I thought it was an insightful answer.

Depression creeps in on us unknowingly and it is a growing trend in a country like ours. Youths are looking at death and near death as something exciting. I wonder if that is a kind of depression. Are there too much media influences? Is media trying to portray the real life or are they trying to lead people on with the script writer's imaginations? Or are there simply too many social problems emerging form the heart of the nation - the family?

While we see ourselves as healthy individuals, do we really have a dark side as well? The news of students committing suicide is on the rise. Are we really going to continue studying the trend instead of taking some practical actions?

I hope I can find the answer soon:)

Weekend in Cambridge...

My first weekend in Cambridge.

I started the weekend on an adventure. I left the college so early that there was not a single soul in the campus. I took a bus, went to a mega-mart, pushed a trolley and bought necessities enough to last. It took me 2 hours before I got back to my dorm.

Though down with a little flu, I was definitely feeling positive about my successful adventure all by myself. I recollected about the past 2 weekends when hubby was still by my side as we toured Sweden and went round to Oxford. But now, I am doing all this by myself, just like Dora the explorer, moving around with a backpack and a map.

The sky grew dark by 6pm. It is the norm across UK as winter approaches. The days when night falls at 4pm is growing nearer..the gloomy days are definitely here to stay..at least till February. The more I think about it..the more I feel lost. It will be the first time I celebrate my birthday alone in a foreign land.

As dinner time approaches, I was taken aback when the kitchen was taken hostage by friends of my flatmate. They were preparing for a hotpot party. As such, I could not cook my dinner. I felt lousy but stopped thinking about it after returning to my books. The party went on till past 10..and 11..I guess they must be enjoying themselves and getting all excited about meeting up with friends from hometown. It is after all just a saturday night..it's time to chill out..and me without dinner.

On nights like this..I miss home terribly..how I wish the flu medication will go into effect soon..and I can then drift into dreamland...

Be thankful for the Gift...

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, "If I could only see the world, I will marry you."

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,"Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She had not expected that. The thought of looking at them for the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying,"Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine."

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Very few remember what life waslike before, and who was always by their side in the mpst painful situations.



Life is a Gift.

Today, before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who is desperately looking for a companion.

Today, before you complain about life - Think of someone who left for the other world all too early.

Before whining about the distance you drive, think of someone who walks the sane distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wished they had your job.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.

Be thankful for this Gift:)

Pyjamas Party...

So..we just had a pyjamas party right out in the cold freezing night at 1230 am.

Who would be so crazy to do that? Well, the college did..we just had a fire drill..yes..at this time of the day where most people would be in their rooms either sleeping or still mugging..well..am sleeping of course..after a day's lessons..I was totally drained.

It was the first time I met ALL and I really meant ALL my flat mates..all in their pyjamas out at the gathering area. It was a great introduction as we tried to hug each other to make sure we are kept warm. I was lucky..I somehow had the intuition to put on long sleeves before I slept..I usually donned short sleeves cos room was heated. and I had my wool socks on too! So I simply grabbed my warm jacket, access card, room key and phones and got out of the building and into the cold.

It was a good half and hour before we got back in and those who were in comfortable thin pyjamas were the first to run back into the dorms..gosh..dun this just reminded me of the camping days whereby we would make cadets wake up in the middle of the night with a fire drill practice and we really did it in the MIDDLE of the night..

Now I know this is retribution.

After a cup of hot horlicks..I guess I am almost ready to hit the bed again..if not, I will just read..but I really hope to just fall sleep instead..

Complexities

Humans are the most complex forms. When we have it, we thought we lost it. When we lose it, we long for it. The longing can sometimes cause us to react like a fool. But well, we are after all, just humans.

Today is the first day of me and myself all alone in a land so far away from home. Thanks to I.T, I never missed a minute of the happenings at home. Other than the point when the sleep bug hits, I always had someone to talk to. I am indeed blessed. One like me who loved to be in midst of many can never tolerate the loneliness and indeed, it was more difficult than I could imagine.

It all began with pre-separation anxiety..oh I thought only kids get that..but I had it..for 2 long months..no medication could help and my family doctor ended up asking me to just relax and spare myself the agony of swallowing pills. The relaxing part came when I knew I would be travelling quite a bit with hubby on this trip..thinking that it could be our second honeymoon. But..oh well..it ended up being more stressful as I count down to the day he has to leave me to return home to reality.

Separation anxiety kicked in proper just 1 week into our stay in london. Nothing could help my endless diarrhoea and wrenching gastric. Never thought one could have some many symptoms turning up at the door all at the same time. But it did for me, just too bad.

Post-separation anxiety was left entirely for me to handle since hubby has left for home. I tried to have a nice long hot bath, a cup of hot milo, chatted with best friends over msn, replied emails, read through encouraging words from my dear friends in facebook and last but not least, live skyping with mummy and sister dearest..tears were inevitable but at least I am trying my best to cope.

So here am I, trying to do the last thing for today to cope with the post-separation anxiety, updating my blog.

If nothing helps, may some almighty out there please lend a helping hand!

Home away from HOME

I spoke with emotions on how I came to cambridge and related my thoughts of being in a culture shock to my classmates. They seemed to be understanding.

I was told by my friends that I need to stay positive and start each day full of energy. I know I need that..else I will not return with pride and glory.

I missed everything about HOME. My family, friends, food, transportation..you name it.

While trying to nurse my "freshie's tummy"..I am also glad that I am not the only one having it..not that I am making fun of the others but the fact that I know I am not alone..in fact, the other person whom I know is having it is also frm SG.

The course may be demanding..but studying is neither a bed of roses nor should it be a bed of thorns. Plus I am not under any pressure to score distinctions so that makes a whole lot of difference I guess:)

I told myself to look into the mirror every morning and assure that everything is going to be alright..despite all odds..it doesn't matter that I am not gg out to the city centre for grocery shopping (cos I have found my way to doing that online) as it is an ardous journey. It doesn't matter that I spend every weekend back in dorm sleeping, reading, blogging etc all except drinking (since I develop allergies).

I just need to be myself, make myself happy and I am sure all will go well:)

Thanks Mum, Dad, Sis, Hubby n Babies for cheering me on...where would I be without you all? :)